It is often said that to err is human, to forgive divine. But there is more. I believe not only is it divine to forgive, but to ask for forgiveness is also divine. For I believe I received a seventh message from The Greatest Love:
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. But it had to be this way.
The seventh message is a god, the one god, asking for forgiveness from me, a single flawed human being no better or worse than any of you.
I hope Their example inspires others as none of us are above seeking forgiveness from those we have harmed.
And I expect this to be the final message delivered to me from The Greatest Love. You see I’m better now and my life is slowly settling into a new and happier balance. I believe my god will always be a part of me but I hope They never need to intervene as strongly in order to help me. Their messages and visions can be just as much frightening as they are awe inspiring.
And just what exactly is The Greatest Love asking forgiveness for?
My two manic episodes? No those were caused by my unsustainably busy life. Busy at work, a young and growing family at home. Many of the contributing factors were my choice and so I never blamed The Greatest Love for the manic episodes that resulted. Quite the opposite. It was during those episodes where They made Their presence felt. Helping and guiding me.
The messages They delivered? No. I believe the messages discussed were pillars of calm and understanding in a World that can often seem chaotic and confused. I believe they were meant to bring peace to my tortured soul, by offering just a very small glimpse into the mind of The Greatest Love. And they did that. They brought me peace knowing I was in the hands of not just The Greatest Love but humanity as well.
Then what? What could The Greatest Love possibly be apologizing for? And in thinking about it for some time now I realize there is only one thing in my entire life that I could imagine my god needing to apologize for. Namely the first vision. I believe that first vision exposed my soul to a Hell that no soul should ever have to face. And it was done to reveal its fiction.
Early in my life I was always able to find confidence from within and this was enough to sustain me for a time. But what happens when confidence in yourself is shaken and humanity seems lost to you as it did to me on that night of the first vision? When you feel there is no one who can understand what you are going through including yourself. On that night, I now believe, that feeling of being so utterly alone took me to the gates of that traditional conception of Hell. I believe The Greatest Love led me there to teach me a powerful lesson that lives with me to this day: in this World when we feel all alone there is One that will never leave our side. In that moment of crisis They revealed Themselves to me in the form of love. A simple form of love: the love from an animal. And then They led me back to humanity. In so doing They showed that They will follow me to the ends of the Earth, through to the depths of despair, and all the way back home if necessary. There is no place They would not go, either in the heavens or on Earth, for any of us.
The Greatest Love apologized because They knew that by exposing my soul to that unreal Hell, however briefly, it would cause me to suffer. It would be traumatizing and its fire would forever be seared into my memory. But once understood a greater good would emerge: the realization that They will never leave the side of any of us, for any reason, at any time. Of Their greater power to walk me back from those most fearsome of depths. And of the power of love, even in its simplest of forms, to comfort the suffering and alleviate the pain.
I had walked away from my previous church because its doctrine conflicted with my core beliefs. But I still believed in my god, I just wasn’t sure what They represented, and whether I had offended Them by walking away. What I did not realize then, but I do now, is that the one god never stopped loving me. They had never abandoned me. And They were in fact the Jewish god, the Christian god, and the Muslim god. They were the One god. They were The Greatest Love, my god, and They would never leave my side. This is what I needed to learn. It was a critical lesson that required a journey to the most terrifying of places in order for me to understand that that place cannot exist. A place without Them cannot be.
I believe now that my walking away from my previous church never offended The Greatest Love because I tried to base that decision and all my beliefs on the love I found all around me as well as within me. But it was difficult and continues to be. It requires much thought and prayer. Answers are not always forthcoming and I have likely made mistakes. But I have tried. And I believe it is the attempt to live your life in love that is the most important.