It is often said that “to err is human, to forgive divine“. But I now believe there is more: not only is it divine to forgive, but to ask for forgiveness is also divine. For I believe I received a seventh message from The Greatest Love:
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. But it had to be this way.
The seventh message is a god, the One god of infinite love, asking for forgiveness from me, a single flawed human being.
I hope Their example inspires others as none of us are above seeking forgiveness from those we have harmed.
And I expect this to be the final message delivered to me from The Greatest Love with such potency. Softer, gentler messages I may expect but messages that leave me so awestruck I believe are of the past. You see I’m better now and my life is slowly settling into a new and happier balance. I believe my god will always be a part of me but I hope They never need to intervene as strongly in order to help me. Their messages and visions can be just as much frightening as they are awe inspiring.
And just what exactly is The Greatest Love asking forgiveness for?
My manic episodes? No those were caused by my unsustainably busy life. Busy at work, a young and growing family at home. Many of the contributing factors were my own choice and so I never blamed The Greatest Love for the manic episodes that resulted. Quite the opposite. It was during those episodes where They made Their presence felt. Helping and guiding me.
The messages They delivered? No. I believe the messages were pillars of calm and understanding in a World that can often seem chaotic and confused. I believe they were meant to bring peace to my tortured soul, by offering just a very small glimpse into the mind of The Greatest Love. And they did that. They brought me peace knowing I was in the hands of not just The Greatest Love but of humanity as well.
Then what? What could The Greatest Love possibly be apologizing for? And in thinking about it for some time now I realize there is only one thing in my entire life that I could imagine my god needing to apologize for. Namely the first vision. I believe that first vision exposed my soul to an existence that no being should ever have to experience. An existence without Them. An existence without love. And it was done to reveal its fiction.
On the night of that first vision humanity felt lost to me. I felt there was no one I could talk to who could understand what I was going through. I now believe that feeling of being so utterly alone took me to the gates of the traditional Hell. I believe The Greatest Love led me there to teach me a powerful lesson. They then allowed me to pass through the gates alone. The result was utter terror. Utter madness. For me, I could manage only a few seconds before needing to open my eyes to escape it. I realize now that such an eternal existence of terror cannot be. It would be a grave injustice and therefore a limit to Their love. Instead there must be no place The Greatest Love would not go, either in the heavens or on Earth, for any of us.
The Greatest Love apologized because They knew that exposing my soul to that unreal Hell, however briefly, would be traumatizing. Its fire forever seared into my memory. But once understood a greater good would emerge: the realization that They will never leave the side of any of us, for any reason, at any time.
I had walked away from my previous church because its doctrine conflicted with my core beliefs. But I still believed in my god, I just wasn’t sure what They represented, and whether I had offended Them by walking away. What I did not realize then, but I do now, is that the One god never stopped loving me. They had never abandoned me. And They were in fact the same god that revealed Themselves to Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad. They were the One god. They were The Greatest Love, my god, and They would never leave my side. This is what I needed to learn. It was a critical lesson that required a journey to the most terrifying of places in order for me to understand that that place cannot exist. A place without Them cannot be.
I believe now that my walking away from my previous church never offended The Greatest Love because I tried to base that decision and all my beliefs on the love I found all around me as well as within me. But it was difficult and continues to be. It requires much thought and prayer. Answers are not always forthcoming and I have likely made mistakes. I remain a work in progress. But I have tried. And I believe it is the attempt to live your life in love that is the most important.